


We Can't All Be Okay

by whoopsydaisie



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Enjolras Is Bad At Feelings, Enjolras Is Trying, Gen, Grantaire is a Mess, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, I wrote this bc I was angry o o p s, Sickfic, They Are Both Failing, Vomiting, grantaire is trying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 09:25:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11205120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoopsydaisie/pseuds/whoopsydaisie
Summary: It isn't that Enjolras doesn't get sick, it's just that he never tells anyone.  He never tells anyone until he has to.





	We Can't All Be Okay

**Author's Note:**

> An extremely self-indulgent rant, ngl.  
> This is kinda out of character and not really well written but shrug

_Grantaire could tell you a few things about Enjolras.  Enjolras was never late.  He used mousse in his hair every morning and slept in a headband.  He had a particularly heavy blanket that he had an unexplained fondness for.  He liked his eggs over easy.  Enjolras took ridiculously long, hot showers just so he could draw on the mirror using the steam.  He had a fondness for ducks.  He secretly loved Carly Rae Jepsen's music.  He really enjoyed cooking shows - the crappy ones that show late at night.  Enjolras never got sick.  He never even had a runny nose, let alone a common cold._

_Other, less personal, things that were known about Enjolras were things like the fact that he had a glare that could make the strongest man turn to mush.  He had a set of lungs that would make an opera singer jealous.  He always wore blacks, blues, reds, and greys.  He didn't care what anyone thought. He was probably made of marble.  Lastly, Enjolras didn't need anyone.  No one had ever seen or heard of him asking for help, and no one expected that day to ever come._

 

 "What the are you doing in there?" Grantaire shouted to the bathroom door.  He turned his ear so it was resting against the door and heard a small sound that suspiciously like vomiting.  He had noticed Enjolras was acting a bit off the last few days, but he had dismissed it.  He figured that if anything was wrong, Enjolras would tell him.  "Enjolras, what's going on in there?"

"Nothing!" Enjolras exclaimed while opening the door.  Grantaire fell forward into Enjolras' arms with a shocked look.  Enjolras grinned and hoisted him back up.  "You shouldn't lean against doors."

"Mmhmm, well, I need to pee so move out of my way," Grantaire shoved him away from the door frame and slammed the door.  He walked over to the mirror and ran a hand through his hair.  With a sigh he looked directly into his own eyes.  He tilted his head and then glanced at the toilet.  Twisting his lips, he knelt in front of it.  "Can't believe I'm doing this," he muttered before sniffing the inside of the bowl.  It smelt faintly of puke, but it also smelled like cleaning fluid and other normal toilet smells.  He shrugged and stood up to use it.  

"Hey, so do you wanna get breakfast at the cafe?" Enjolras asked.

"Some people knock before entering bathrooms that are being used," Grantaire commented dryly, suddenly grateful that he was in the process of washing his hands.

"Yeah, well, I'm not some people.  Do you want to get breakfast or not?  I'm leaving in five minutes."

"I'm not even dressed yet."

"Not my problem."

"Can you maybe wait a few extra minutes?"

"No."

"Enjolras, look."

"What?"

Grantaire held Enjolras' keys above his head.  He watched with amusement as Enjolras reached up for the keys only for him to hold them just out of reach.  Enjolras made a few desperate attempts before sniffing and pausing to glare at Grantaire.

"Think you can wait, short stack?"

"Fine.  How'd you even get those out of my pocket?"

Grantaire grinned and held the keys above his head as he walked into his bedroom.  He mouthed the word "mystery" before slipping behind his door.  He believed he had irritated Enjolras enough for the morning and figured he should try to get back on his good side before the meeting that night.  Choosing a shirt and some jeans, he walked out to see an irritated Enjolras staring glumly at his shoes.  

"Waiting on you now," Grantaire teased as he slipped on his shoes.  Enjolras seemed to get jolted out of a daze before nodding sharply and wincing.  

"Took you long enough."

"Mmhmm, sure.  I think you'd wait years for me, though."

"I would not.  No reason to wait for your lazy bones."

"Well, seeing as you feel that way about me, I won't be waiting for you," Grantaire whispered before bolting in the direction of the cafe.  Usually he and Enjolras raced to the cafe and whoever lost would buy a pastry that they would split, but this time, Grantaire noticed that Enjolras hadn't even made an effort to start running.  He slowed down and waited for Enjolras to catch up with him.  "Hey, what's your problem?"

"I don't feel like running, Grantaire," Enjolras hissed.  Grantaire frowned.  Enjolras rarely used his full name, and whenever he did, it was because he was angry.  Grantaire started to feel insecure.

"Hey, are you mad at me?"

"Huh?"

"Nothing.  Nevermind."

Grantaire sighed and slowed his pace so he was walking with Enjolras.  They walked in silence to the cafe and they sat in silence until the waitress came around to take their orders.  After she took their orders, they went back to being silent.  And that was killing Grantaire.  He couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong with Enjolras, but he couldn't peg what it specifically was.  

"Uh, nice weather.  The weather we're having."

Enjolras glared at him and glanced at the sky.  After squinting up, he returned to glaring at Grantaire.

"Okay, you know what, are you, like, really deep in thought this morning and I keep interrupting you?  What's your problem today?" Grantaire demanded.

Enjolras looked shocked and straightened up.  He sneezed and wiped his nose on a napkin.

"I'm fine.  What's your problem?"

"I don't have a problem.  That is, unless you count your crappy attitude as one," it was Grantaire's turn to glare.

"Oh.  Sorry.  I don't know what's going on with me today."

"Yeah, I bet you don't," Grantaire muttered.  He regretted his comment as soon as he saw Enjolras shrink into himself slightly.  Maybe Enjolras really wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary - maybe, Grantaire thought, _he_  himself was.  He shook his head lightly and smiled at the waitress as she delivered their food.  The food was delicious and he scarfed it down while Enjolras barely touched it.  Frowning, Grantaire made sure to snag a bear claw in case Enjolras changed his mind and got hungry later.  

Grantaire didn't really see Enjolras until later that night.  The blond had spent the entire day holed up in his bedroom and Grantaire didn't see him emerge until it was time to go to the meeting.  When Enjolras came out, he looked sweaty and Grantaire thought it best to not ask questions.  They would have walked in even more silence to the meeting had Enjolras not been panting so hard.  Grantaire could barely hear their footsteps over Enjolras' heavy breathing.

"E, do you feel okay?"

"I'm fine!" Enjolras rasped as he tripped over his own feet.  "I'm fine."

Grantaire sighed put an arm around Enjolras.  He yanked back when he felt the burning hot skin and saw Enjolras shaking.  He quickly jolted his hand out to touch Enjolras' forehead but Enjolras jolted out of the way before their skin made contact. Grantaire barely had time to react as Enjolras fell backwards and almost missed Grantaire.  He would have hit the concrete had Grantaire not caught him halfway through his fall.  Grantaire sat them both down on the sidewalk and put a hand on Enjolras' head, feeling the sweaty curls and the full body trembles.  

"Enjolras, why didn't you tell-"

Grantaire was interrupted by Enjolras twisting his head away and throwing up.  What came up had Grantaire's stomach in knots.  Yellow fluid came out of Enjolras' mouth, and blood coated his lips.

"We need to get you to a hospital," Grantaire said while propping Enjolras up.  He thought about carrying Enjolras or calling a cab, but when he leaned over and threw up again, Grantaire's hand shot to his pocket and he didn't hesitate to call 112.  "Yeah, hi, my friend is throwing up and it looks yellow and there's...so much blood.  There's a lot of blood and he's so hot, he's burning up.  There's so much blood, please, I need help.  Please, I think he might be dying!  We're by, um, I don't know can't you just use the GPS or whatever?  I don't know where we are, but please help me.  Yes, yes, thank you."

"'Taire?" Enjolras muttered while staring up blearily at him.

"Yes, it's me.  I'm here.  I called the emergency services and they'll be here soon.  Don't worry-"

"'M I dying?"

Grantaire felt his heart stop.  What if Enjolras was dying?  What if he was too stupid to notice Enjolras getting so sick that he was dying?  What if Enjolras had waited too long without care and he was going to die of that?  What kind of person was Grantaire if he couldn't notice when the man who was closest to him was on the verge of death?  All these thoughts went through his head as he gave his answer.

"No, you're not dying, Apollo."

"Oh, good.  I've got t-things to do."

"Yeah, you do.  So I need you to stay conscious and tell me about it."

"Y-you already," Enjolras was interrupted by coughing.

"Already what?"

"Already know."

"Yeah, well, I want to hear it again. Tell me how the great Apollo will bend this pathetic world until it is good and right again."

Enjolras grinned weakly at him and it scared Grantaire half to death.  If you combine the blood on his lips, the trembling of his body, and the fact that it was his best friend, you would understand Grantaire's unease.  They heard the sirens and the rest was a blur for Grantaire.  He remembered people shouting and maybe it was actually himself, but he remembered the noise and the oxygen mask being shoved on Enjolras' face as the paramedics shoved the gurney into the back of the van.  He remembers a young woman holding onto his elbow as people stuck things into Enjolras' arms and he remembers her rushing him into the van when it looked like they were going to drive off without him.

The days that followed were a blur, too. It turned out that Enjolras had pneumonia.  He had to stay in the hospital for six days with needles stuck in his arms and fluids being shoved into him and feverish shivers wracking his body before the doctors deemed him stable enough to return home.  The two didn't really talk much during their stay because Enjolras was either sleeping or carefully avoiding making eye contact with Grantaire.  The doctors asked Grantaire if anyone would be taking care of Enjolras back at home and apparently the look on his face was enough to convince them.  Enjolras was still weak when Grantaire wheeled him out the door and took him home, but Grantaire saw the shame and regret in his eyes.

When they arrived home, Grantaire silently went to a closet and pulled out some blankets.  He set them down on the couch and then pulled Enjolras onto it as well.  With a sigh, he sat down in the armchair across from him and stared.  Enjolras fidgeted uncomfortably but Grantaire had no intentions of leaving.  Neither of them spoke for a long while, but it eventually wore Enjolras down.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Sorry.  I'm sorry," Enjolras said while looking down at his lap.

"Yeah, you should damn well be sorry," Grantaire reprimanded.  He could feel himself finally getting angry at Enjolras for not telling him that he was sick.

"It doesn't usually happen."

"What doesn't?"

"Sickness," Enjolras answered while gesturing vaguely.

"Yeah, well-"

"I know I'm pathetic.  I'm sorry."

Grantaire paused the start of his rant and took a closer look at Enjolras.  He could see the him trying desperately to hold back tears and he flinched back when Enjolras wiped angrily at his eyes.

"You think you're pathetic?"  Grantaire couldn't believe what he was hearing, but the nod of Enjolras' head confirmed his ears were fully functioning.  "Why do you think you're pathetic?"

"Because, I couldn't handle this myself.  I'm useless and I'm a bother and a burden-"

"How the are you a burden?"

"And I can't even take care of a cold-"

"You were in the hospital!  That's more than a cold!"

"And I'm just like her and I'm sorry I'm such a burden," Enjolras rubbed a hand over his eyes and leaned over.

"Apollo, why do you think you're a burden?" Grantaire tried searching his face but he couldn't see past his hands.

"Because I'm just like my mother!"

"What does your mother have to do with this?"

"She was such a...wuss.  She was always asking for help and she was always crying!  She couldn't go a single day without having a panic attack and she was always stopping her friends so they would give her therapy sessions!  She was brought to the hospital on countless false alarms just because she got freaked out by her own blood pressure!  She didn't even stop at her own friends - she made my papa miserable because she was always asking if he really loved her and she always asked me for reassurances for stupid stuff and she even asked the adults in my life to take care of her and if she got a paper cut she insisted that she was in agony and if she hit her toe against a corner she would scream and walk with a limp for the rest of the day and she was so...so _needy_   and _pathetic_  and now I'm just like her!" Enjolras practically yelled.  Grantaire froze at the outburst and felt his breath catch when Enjolras slammed a hand down on the cushion next to him.  "I'm just like her!"

"E-"

"I'm sorry, 'Taire.  I'm sorry you have to deal with me," Enjolras whispered and hung his head.

"Listen to me," Grantaire gently said while grabbing Enjolras' chin and turning him so they were looking at each other.  "You aren't a burden.  Not even close.  You are my best friend.  You always do so much for others and you never ask for anything in return.  It's okay to get sick because you can't control it and because I don't mind taking care of you, okay?"

"I should have been able to handle myself."

"We can't all handle ourselves; not even most of the time, Apollo."

"But this was a minor thing, and-" Enjolras protested.

"The hospital, the _hospital,_ E, is not minor.  And even if it was minor, you wouldn't be bothering me. I want to know if you're hurting, even if it's not physically."

"But-"

"No buts," Grantaire softly interrupted.  He sat on the couch next to Enjolras and pulled him to his side.  He hugged Enjolras tightly and smiled when he melted into the embrace, eventually reaching his arms around Grantaire's sides.  "It's okay to tell me when things aren't okay because they can't always be.  Not even for you, my marble statue. 


End file.
